More Mentalizing About My Court Case

 

Why do I think I should trust an anonymous message from someone to my Yahoo account years ago regarding the end date?  Why do I think that the UPS man saying "go on" was a version of the phrase "go Han"?  Why do I think that people making facial expression gestures at me at the grocery store is about my court case?


The thing is, in my brain, I'm searching for "the answer to the top problem" in my life.  So everything I see gets filtered through that lens.  Maybe I should take a step back and ask myself, "If someone wanted to tell me about my court case, how would they do it?"  I think the answer might be, via the internet, with some deniability--maybe non-repudiateability would be rejected in favor of deniability--with some identification of who the person is.  It could be that the signal from one of the X bots was correct, and it's by 01-01-2027.  I have no idea who Sandra Hesse was.  Maybe I am reading too much into that.  Hesse could mean lots of things.  There isn't really that much evidence that Sandra Hesse was linked to Dr. Steg at Dominion Hospital.  I don't know.  It's hard for me to think about this sort of thing.  I'm not a very good "detective" type of thinker.  I'm good at math.  My brain is weak at this, partly because I spent so much time being psychotic and thinking this weird way all the time.  Maybe as I spend more time being non-psychotic, things will get better.


I think the best signal was the anonymous, deniable signal from the X account.  I don't know why the UPS guy said "go on."  That was really weird.  What was he thinking?  He was friendly to the other people at Monarch who were talking to him.  Maybe he didn't say "Go Han" at all.  I don't understand that gesture.


Maybe the FBI is investigating, and it's going to be a long wait--I might turn 40 before it ends.  I think the gesture from the X bot might have been real.  It could be that South Florida LifeSkills complained about my parents, too.  I don't know.


There were *definitely* lots of lies told in the case, including lies told by the Henrico Police Department about what happened.  I don't appreciate having to face a lynch mob of lies from my parents and state/local government officials while I was trying to get better.


It *could* be that Sandra Hesse was good.  Maybe it actually was a gesture from Dominion Hospital.  Right after that, I saw the John Steg guy at Publix.  So maybe it really is "help on Ludwig anniversary," i.e., Ludwig Otto Hesse, the multivariable calculus mathematician.


I'm going to hope that it's August 4, and if that's not it, I'm going to hope that it's January 1.  My health is improving, even if I am still confused.  I think my confusion is not purely the product of mental health symptoms--it's the product of how badly I was treated, and the fact that Monarch refuses to believe that I was abused by my parents and that they are lying about what happened.  Monarch is legally required to report the abuse, but they claim they "don't know" if it really happened.

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