Mentalizing: I Am Forgetful

 

I need to remember what I said about epistemic trust vs. epistemic vigilance.  I need to try to be trusting.  It's not entirely clear that Dr. Glasser is saying anything, so I am going to not assume that that is intentional.  That's not about trust.  The situation regarding the women who came by on Easter is about trust.


I think the key is, there is a reluctance *to be seen* telling me the exact date.  When the cameras are on and lots of people are around at H-E-B, people don't want to be too precise.  I think it was true that it's by July 13.  So it wasn't all "hot lies."  Not that many people are willing to show up and do that for bad-guy private security, but some people are.


I think the "why f!" code was the best one recently, at least that I can remember.  Maybe the UPS man wasn't lying.  Maybe he was, though...there could be a mole placed at UPS, that is possible.


I think it's by the end of June.  I think the women on Easter were telling the truth.  I'm not a great "judge of character," especially when considering people that I see for only a few seconds...but intuitively or whatever, it seems like the women were intending to say something--they whispered--and for some reason, I think they are telling the truth.


I can't really put into words why.  Maybe that's OK.  Ever since I was psychotic in 2007, I've been obsessed with "proofs" in real life...if something can't be proved, I don't trust it.  I want some sort of extensive, verbal proof that the things I think are true are really true.  I'm scared to be wrong/delusional again.


I'll contemplate this more later, and I'll probably write about it more later.  Maybe I'll write out why I think the Easter women were telling the truth.  I think it is true that there is more ability to signal like that when there are no surveillance cameras and not that many police around.


Also, maybe the Houston police didn't gaslight me.  Surely they would understand my confusion.  Maybe they would be a little offended that I'm so suspicious of them.  I am aware that my mental health isn't perfect.

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