Mental Health

 

I did 30 push-ups today, and made out my grocery list for tomorrow.  I also finished my AI ideas--I now have a great thing that I could use in a job interview, an IP sale to say Apple or OpenAI, or a startup that I could almost definitely do myself (it would leverage existing AI capabilities to build a new AI capability).  I have good, new, secret, detailed notes on my computer.


Today in group, I learned about primary and secondary emotions.  E.g., when I get angry, it is almost always of the form of "capabilities envy," i.e., someone else can do something that I can't get away with.  Thus, the primary emotion is actually envy, and the secondary emotion is anger.


I might be able to do more than just "try to be a Spartan" regarding my other remaining problematic emotions--inadequacy and angst.  I think both of those emotions are secondary, and the primary, "masked" emotion is fear.  Expressing myself might help.  I fear:  the lawyer who is representing me, Fred Kaufman; the Virginia court system; homelessness (a little bit); conviction of a criminal offense; and continued restrictions and inaction by the FBI regarding what happened to me and the evidence that was fabricated.  I fear the notion that actually, nothing will happen on July 13, and there will be no outcry about it.  I fear apathy about my life and my court case.


The good news is, I'll likely feel much less angst and inadequacy and fear if the court case goes away, which it should.  I think the FBI is secretly investigating, and it takes a long time and they can't talk to me about it because there are tons of moles that have been planted within the FBI by this corporate espionage billionaire guy.


That's my update for today.  I have one more appointment to go to today.  Other than that, my day is free.  I'm not going to walk much today...I am wearing shorts so I will not change and put on long pants and then sunscreen.  Also, I wasn't able to check my weight today because the nursing office was closed early in the morning...I only check my weight before or right after breakfast, so that the number will be consistent and low.

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