I Finished My Economics Reading For Today! + My Mental Health Is Improving!

 

I took it easy on myself and didn't read the textbook section too thoroughly.  I understood the basic points of the section--especially that the utility function can be assumed to be continuous and that that is useful--but didn't follow every detail of every proof.  Also, I sort of didn't understand the definition of "quasiconcave," but I think it's OK.


Also, I think it's huge that I now understand that the people gesturing at me aren't spies.  It's just people's tendencies to do nonverbal body language communication.  The woman who did the kissy face and the smile is just an ordinary, non-spy/security/detective woman, who was walking around the grocery store shopping, and maybe thought I was handsome.  Neat.  I'm glad that I look OK, somewhat anyway...I'm almost 40 (in December) and I have white hair in my beard as I said.


So I think overall this is great!  I wonder what will happen on August 4?  It is true that I need help, from law enforcement.  I guess the harsh reality is, I myself don't have the resources to get it.  The Sandra Hesse signal *does* sound legitimate and transmitting a meaning.  It could be that, instead of Dr. Steg sending it, it is a person who works for Dominion Hospital, the hospital where I worked with Dr. Steg as a patient in 2001.


So I'm believing in the idea that most people aren't paying that much attention to me or my blog, and, my ordeal will end on August 4, 2026, with support from law enforcement.  The bad guys were so brazen on this that I can't imagine that there is no investigation.  The FBI is not sending me any signals.  There are not too many weird or bad people at H-E-B.  I don't know why the police went there last Tuesday when I was there...they walked past me at 3:38.  Maybe H-E-B called the police regarding an unrelated matter, maybe someone knocked over some items in one of the aisles and didn't clean it up or something.


When it comes to my mental health, the thing that gets me is, sometimes something is happening, and I *can't imagine* what could possibly be going on.  I see women making unusual gestures at me, like scrunching their lips together and moving their lips around their face, or smiling and raising their eyebrows, and I wonder, what on earth are they doing or thinking?  It happens so much, too.  I don't think it's a "neighborhood movement" or a "private security force" any more, it's just people doing gestures...maybe they are gesturing at me that way because they can tell that I'm mentally ill.  I saw one woman with an odd facial expression that her face was staying at.  It could be that she was just feeling an unusual emotion.  The weirdest one was the woman doing what I called the "closed mouth gesture"...the woman sort of moved her lips around her face.  Maybe I should just say it is, "she was just being weird."  That kind of expression didn't happen that often.


I didn't used to see things like this back in say, 2010, before I had my lengthy psychotic episode.  Maybe the East Coast, where I had spent almost all of my life--99.9% of my days for sure--is different from Texas in certain ways.  I don't fully understand it.  Maybe social media and the use of emojis and whatnot online has led to more expressive nonverbal communication in public.


Anyway, armed with this understanding, I should be able to go grocery shopping tomorrow with fewer psychological problems!  Also, I think I'm armed with the date!  I figured out the Steg puzzle, and that led me to be able to let go of the belief that people were "angry spies determinedly sending me the date in code" at the store.  I'm not sure how much longer it would have taken me to figure out that the people are just being normal or a little weird and aren't undercover spies if I hadn't figured out that the date was in early August?  I really think it is.


Maybe some people have an "impression" of me when they see me.  My hair isn't always neatly trimmed, and sometimes I grow a beard out.  Also, I usually wear a black t-shirt as my top, and sometimes the black shirt has holes in it.  I don't know how my face looks to people.  Maybe people can tell just by looking at me that I'm having problems with delusions, and that pushes them to want to try to help me by saying something, like "go on," as if to say, "keep talking."  I remember Brooke the nurse, whom I liked, at South Florida LifeSkills one time said to me, "Make your voice heard tomorrow."  Maybe a lot of people want to share that sentiment with people who are mentally ill.  I heard someone say at one of these treatment places that over the past however many years, public and national attitudes on mental health have shifted to be more positive.


Maybe I shouldn't aspire to "delete" Abigail Spanberger's career.  She is probably not that bad.  I just didn't understand the situation.

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