I Did Ask To Be Signaled...

 

...but then when people signaled me, I felt like I couldn't figure it out.


I think, like Dr. K. (psychiatrist) may have hinted, playing Civ 5 is good for my brain.  I mentalized and tried to come up with a good strategy for winning at the Prince difficulty level.  I didn't quite make it, but I tried really hard and made a lot of progress...I might finish in 2nd place or so.


Anyway...maybe the women at the store were just signaling me based on a friend of theirs who has found my blog and talks about me.  My blog doesn't have that many hits.  Maybe the police read my blog, and someone from the police mentioned me to the people, and they decided to signal me.  I hope I didn't insult any of the people, assuming that they weren't bad.


It's hard to understand what's going on for me.  I think most people haven't read my blog, but someone good who did read my blog spoke to all of those women and encouraged them to come signal me.  Maybe they are all telling the truth, and it's by around July 13.  Cool.


Or, the people don't mean to gesture at me like that, and they're saying something, but not on my wavelength regarding what they are saying.


Anyway...this is a harrowing situation and it's hard to figure out!  The "whisper hi" women might be FBI agents who were telling me that it's June.  But they might also be the same thing...people who have heard about me from someone who knows me.


My first reaction in general is not very good.  I don't mentalize these things well.  My common sense is knocked out by my thought disorder, and I can't figure things out.  I'm still puzzled by Sandra Hesse.  What if it was Dr. Steg?  I don't think the Publix worker was Dr. Steg.  Maybe Sandra Hesse was Dr. Steg and the Publix worker wasn't.  Maybe he's saying something about what it feels like to be on the receiving end of something that is very carefully thought through by me, but not fully explained.  I don't know.


I feel confused and worried.  I am going to get another nice snack at 7--I can eat 36 grams of sugar per day, my doctor says--and then do a little bit of walking and then go to sleep.  My weight is right on target, I'm hovering at around 160 pounds, not gaining or losing much.  If I ever gain too much, I can easily lose the weight by just walking for 4 hours a day, which I like to do.

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