Thoughts Before I Go To Sleep

 I hope that I will be OK.  I am nervous about law enforcement.  The thing is, law enforcement hasn't helped me or talked to me clearly this whole time, starting in August 2023, when I was first arrested for a crime I didn't commit.  I'll probably wind up sharing more details about what happened later on this blog.  My top fear is, federal law enforcement won't care, they'll just decide that it's "up to the states," and my Constitutional right to effective counsel will be violated, again and again, every day that I'm paired with the terrible and very nasty lawyer, Fred Kaufman.  So far, the case has been postponed again and again, and I haven't objected because I haven't had adequate counsel yet...if the case went to trial right away in accordance with my right to a speedy and public trial, I would likely lose, because the judge, the prosecutor, and the defense attorney are all acting very strange and very hostile to me and very disinterested in the actual facts of the case.  Shannon Taylor, the district attorney, offers on her website to "write back" to people who write in to her to complain about their treatment in court and/or by Henrico County PD; I wrote in and did exactly that, and months later, she hasn't responded.  Did someone bribe all of these people??  Why are they so hostile to me in particular?  Is there something that they think I did that was in some way nasty or unappealing?  I was just mentally ill.  I still have some signs of mental illness, and I do not always instantly process "ideas of reference" in the right way...I am aware of that cognitive flaw.


There seems to be an attitude, particularly in Virginia but maybe also in Texas to some extent, that "if you've had a stroke, your life's a joke."  I haven't literally had a stroke, but I had what one doctor called a "traumatic brain injury" from a car accident in 2007 when I was hit by a car while walking, and I've been struggling with symptoms related to bipolar/schizoaffective disorder since I was around 15 (and I was in treatment for other issues since I was 13).  I feel that a lot of people look down on people with mental illnesses, and believe them to be less deserving of their rights and second-or-worse-class citizens due to their disability.  People who are, e.g., missing a leg are not subjected to as much prejudice as mentally ill people, I feel.


Anyway I have nothing else to say right now.  I keep a private journal on my computer, and that helps my mental health.  It helps a lot to be able to process things that have happened to me, since the thought-disorder side of my illness apparently makes my thoughts jumbled and unprocessed sometimes.  Having the opportunity to really articulate my thoughts and think things through is very good for me.  I don't talk to myself out loud any more like I used to.  I think that was a bad habit.  I have very few bad habits left, I am generally a clean, (sort of) normal person who doesn't do anything inappropriate or anything against the rules.  My daily routine and other activities, on any given day, would be unlikely to raise any eyebrows.  I am peaceful and enjoy walking quite a bit--that's probably my favorite activity, and to avoid sun damage to my skin, I walk mostly just at night, between 5 and 7...sunset is at 6:10 or so often in Texas.  I also walk around outdoors in the shady areas of the mental health facility where I'm staying right now.

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