Feeling Very Stressed Out By the Court Case

 I really hope that the signal I got at H-E-B was true:  BCES, big change May 19.  I am feeling *very* stressed out by the court case.  It happened all of a sudden...I got a not-too-unpleasant email from one of the many lawyers on the case, and I felt reminded by the scariness of the trial all of a sudden.  I know that I am innocent, but I am not getting good support from anyone involved in the case.  I think that my accusers have used AI tools to generate "evidence" that is not based in reality.  I have been told not to trust my memory, because my psychosis may have led me to black out and not understand what really happened.  I don't think it is true that my memories were false memories.  I am being lied to and exploited by some very nasty relatives, and some very nasty other lawyers.

Earlier, I had been wondering why I was so stressed out today.  I thought it wasn't the court case, I thought it was angst about the bicycle and getting to work on time.  Then I got the message from the lawyer, and I *immediately* felt a new wave of stress coming on.  I realized that that simple reminder of what's happening to me is enough to turn on my anxiety in a big way, and it makes me feel really bad.  The words "criminal case" in the email are enough to throw my mind off in a different direction and make me drop all of the ambitious, productive things I had been thinking about (fueled by "goal-directed activity" bipolar symptoms or not), and start focusing on the worry of the court case.  Yes, I *am* charged with a serious crime, and I could do years of jail time if I get convicted.  I know I'm innocent, but right now, the greatest assurance I have that everything will be OK is that I requested someone signal me in code, and then I saw a woman make big eyes at 3:19 p.m. at the H-E-B grocery store when I was looking at her.  I hope that was a real signal!  I saw kissy face at 3:24, too.  That one was more directly directed at me.

I hope everything will be OK for me.  I need more support.  I know I'm innocent.  The good news is, if I can be acquitted as I should be, I will feel *much* better day to day, and not feel so threatened by legal action and hostility based on hatred of me and lies.

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